Loss, Change and Growth

This year has been incredibly tough for me, and for many others I’m sure. I lost my best friend, an aunt, and now my uncle. The grief has been overwhelming, and on top of that, I feel like my world keeps shrinking. Friendships are evolving, and despite my efforts to be a good friend, coworker, and manager, I often feel like I’m falling short in every part of my life.

Life threw another curveball when I got into a car accident on my birthday, and now my home is full of things that need repair. I feel alone, misunderstood, and as though I’m constantly being tested. It’s hard to explain how isolating it can feel, especially when you’re trying your best to keep things together.

Growing up with immigrant parents who held very high expectations, I was always taught to strive for perfection. I never felt “good enough” in their eyes, and I find myself carrying that weight into adulthood. While I work hard not to impose those same expectations on others, I’ve realized I need to let go of relationships where I care more than the other person does. It’s a difficult lesson, but one I’m slowly learning.

Another realization I’ve had is that I’m not the “fun” person. My love language is acts of service—when someone is in need, I’m there, ready to help. I think this stems from my upbringing, where I was always taught to put others before myself. I’ve spent so much time people-pleasing that I’ve forgotten how to prioritize my own needs. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s hard to undo decades of conditioning.

When I try to voice my needs or set boundaries, I often feel like those closest to me expect a version of me that’s always accommodating. And when I don’t meet their expectations, I face negative reactions, which makes me retreat and give in to avoid conflict.

Despite everything, I know change is the only constant in life. I’ll continue to take things day by day, hold grace for myself, and learn to accept that it’s okay to not always have it all together. This year has taught me that life’s struggles can help shape us, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.